the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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