You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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