My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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