he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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