He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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