I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
