I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
