So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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