A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My feet surprised me
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