i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
