I think I died a long time ago.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
