i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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