no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
