She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
