I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
