he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I didn't notice because vodka
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
