Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
