Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
