She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
