You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
