u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
