i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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