her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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