the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
