why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
