no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
