Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
