Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
