i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
