Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
