I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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