I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
