I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
worst night to have a conscience
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
