That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
