Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
