your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
