Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
