Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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