Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
