I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
