I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
