I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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