Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
