I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
