dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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