I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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