??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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