My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
