Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
