this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
smell my finger.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
