As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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