Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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