Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
