she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
