I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You are a genius and a whore.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
